Time...

They say that time is a great healer and that giving something time makes it better.  We are over 2 years into our journey and to be honest I still get as scared about Billy having Leukaemia as I did the first day he was diagnosed.  I still wake up in the night in a dead panic... wondering what I am going to do, how we are going to get through this.

I must admit that I do worry if the treatment is going to work, how will they know if it is or if it isn't?  I have heard stories of patients getting all the way through the treatment and then not long after it finishes the Leukaemia comes back and it all starts again.

The first few weeks after Billy was diagnosed was the worst thing I have ever been through.  I can still remember the feelings that went through my head after he was diagnosed.  The sheer terror as to what was going to happen.  The panic as to wether I was making the right decisions.  I am on my own so actually having to make every single decision for Billy without having anyone I can talk to and someone that could share that process is hard.  Its also very scary.  Will Billy be gratefull that I made the choices that I did in the future???

I have tried to make every single moment count, do things that we have always said we would.  See things that I think he should see, have lots of great experiences, all whilst making sure the boring things such as school are kept up.    If there is one thing that I think I have learnt from this whole awful time is to do everything that you can as soon as you can.  Don't put things off till tomorrow, live for the moment and make every moment a great memory.

2 years down the line and i am still as worried as i was when we first found out what was wrong with Billy and what we would have to go through.  I hope that Billy will look back and remember the fun things that we did no the bad times and all the hospital visits.  They say time is a great healer so maybe a few years after treatment we will both see the positive side.......