Diagnosis part 2

Well waiting is horrible isn't it.  As it turned out we only had to wait six days, but six days is a long time when you want to know whats wrong with your child.  Luckily one thing that took my mind off things was work. My job is quite stress full and it made me think about something other than the hospital and the tests and when I would know.

My manager Tina was wonderful, she seemed to know instinctively when i needed cheering up, when I needed to talk and even when I needed a few tears.  All my colleagues with the exception of one were amazing, they made me laugh and distracted me.  They let me know they cared and were thinking of us but were very good at making me work!

Billy didn't show any cares at all. He was happy at nursery and his school has a nursery year where he had been since September and he was learning loads!  He had done so well with the blood tests on Tuesday and was showing off the mark!

Friday came and Billy and I had a lovely tea and were just settling down to watch a DVD when the phone rang.  It was Martin the consultant asking me all kinds of questions, had Billy been near woods where deer played, had he been scratched by a cat or near a rat.  I said no to all of them and then he said maybe it was glandular fever.  He would need to do more bloods on Monday so I was to make sure they hospital put on magic cream first to hurry things along before we saw him.

I couldn't put my finger on why but that call unnerved me, made me feel scared and nervous.  That night I got Billy to sleep, he was shattered and went off easily, then I got on the phone to my friends.  I talked and talked and everyone was there to listen to me, they offered advice and shared my fears but no one could take away the feelings.  I was convinced it was serious and I hardly slept a wink.

Saturday I took Billy swimming and if you had seen him you wouldn't have thought there was a thing wrong with him, he loved the pool!  We went shopping the had friends round for takeaway that night just the normal way our lives were, probably the last 'normal' weekend we would have.

Next day was lovely and sunny so we went to the shops then to our local park.  As Billy had been so god at the hospital I treated his to a new toy, his first ever bakugan a blue one.  Funny how things like that stick in your head.  Our park is gorgeous right next to the sea, full of open spaces to run in.  I sat down with the paper and Billy's buggy which he insisted I bring as he didn't want to walk much, I wasn't sure if he was being lazy or not.

I chilled out and read the paper and Billy played.  After only a few minutes Billy was back.  He said that he was tired and needed to rest. Surely a 3 year old should be running around having fun in the sun? We stayed out for a while then home for dinner and chill out time.

Monday morning came just like normal, got Billy ready for nursery and took him in then I went to work.  I got in a bit early as I knew I needed to make up the time for the hospital appointment.  It just seemed a normal morning, busy but just like normal.  I left at 11.30 to go and get Billy, I didn't say any real goodbyes as I thought I would be back later.

I met my mum at the hospital and we went and checked in. I told the receptionist Billy needed magic cream on but she said no he didn't. I argued the point but she said no. I remember moaning to my mum that now we would be here longer, how shallow was I? Worried more about getting back to work that what Billy needed.

Martin called us in, he had a community nurse in with him and offered us tea and biscuits.  This didn't register that there was someone else ill. I was just so wanting to know what he had found out about Billy being ill.  Billy of course wanted biscuits so I said I would have a cup of tea.  Martin introduced us to Nikki the nurse.  It was all very nice and pleasant and Billy was loving the biscuits.

Then Martin said " we think Billy has Leukaemia".  Five words. My whole world collapsed. I remember feeling sick, then hot and cold the the tears came.  To be honest I can't remember what was said next.  All i do remember is that Nikki, Martin and my mum tried to console me or give me tissues.  At this point Billy turned round and shouted at Martin, " you've made my mum cry, you nasty man".

Five words, no more normality. How life was going to change...