next hospital!

So that was it, we were on our way to another hospital, this was the hospital who would tell us exactly what was what.  Stupidly I googled leukaemia before we left so I had all sorts going on in my head. Billy slept most of the way, I spent the time texting or calling people who needed to know what was going on. The fear was still there inside me, I can't remember much of that journey.

We got there and went up to level G where I got my first view of Piam Brown Ward.  Bizarrely all I can remember as a first impression is the parrot they have drawn on the wall! They got us straight into a web on the 4 bed ward and looked Billy over.  He was quite scared now but he let them do his obs. He had a bit of a temperature so they decided that he needed to have antibiotics to be on the safe side so they put a cannula in. Billy didn't like that.

I met our consultant Juliet for the first time.  She is lovely and made me feel that we were definitely in the right hand and that we were going to be looked after well.  She explained what would happen the next day, Billy would be put under and a bone marrow sample taken and a does of chemo into his spinal fluid would be administered.  I asked did it mean that he definitely had leukaemia, I was still clinging to that small hope.  Juliet said they were pretty sure he did and that they needed to start chemo asap.

That was it, reality again, I remember being sat in the playroom when Billy's teacher phoned and breaking down in floods of tears to her.  No one could make it right, I felt totally and utterly helpless, normally there is something you can do but there was nothing, it was all out of my hands. What could I do? Was everything ever going to be ok again?

They then gave Billy a fluid drip as he was a bit dehydrated. He didn't like the drip as it restricted him.  They brought us some food and we curled up together, Billy went to sleep and then the tears came again.  I closed the curtains round the bed to give us some privacy and to be honest I didn't really want to talk to anyone at all. I didn't want to hear anyone elses story just wanted to be us. Really all I wanted was to pack up our stuff and go home and it all be a bad dream.

The texts were coming in thick and fast, so many people cared about us which was amazing, i text back as many as I could.  My saving grace over that night and the next few days was my iphone.  I could be in touch with the outside world! I had te Internet and facebook and email what else did I need!

Billy wanted to cuddle me all night so mot much sleep as he was so hot and the drip kept beeping and he needed obs done.  I was too worried to sleep really, what would tomorrow bring, would it be good news or would it be bad?  Billy must have been worried as well but at least he managed to get some rest.  I was worried about te general anaesthetic too, he had never had one, would he be ok?  Would he be in pain when he woke up, even would he wake up?

Scared wasn't the word, I don't even know how to describe it. Adrenalin and worry took over so the lack of sleep didn't matter. Tomorrow would tell where we stood.