My friends and family were great, I had lots of texts, calls and FB messages. I used facebook as an easy way to keep people up to date without having to talk to them all. I was so so thankful for my iphone, it became my link with the outside world. It was amazing just how many people cared, the messages of support were amazing. I remember a really good friend of mine actually writing me a letter. A proper letter not a text or call but a letter. That really helped me, she was so so complimentary about me and the way Billy and I were. She peppered the letter with lots of funny pictures and jokes that we shared. I have kept that letter and I still look at it from time to time.
My oldest friend who is scared of driving on motorways spent most of Wednesday day time with us, somehow she conquered her fears to help us. Just seeing her walk onto the ward was amazing, she has always been there for me and we are still as close as the day we met. Being a mum herself she understood everything i was feeling especially as she had had a poorly child when he was very young. She made me go downstairs to the shop for 5 minutes to get some food and drink, apart from that I didn't leave the ward that day.
Billy was still full of energy and loved the playroom as it had lots of new toys in it. He seemed so well in himself and i felt guilty in some ways him being on the ward with children who were really ill. The play leader Caron was fantastic, she could see how worried I was about everything and she said she would come and explain to Billy about his operation for the next day and what it would mean. She brought in a dummy which had a port to show Billy. He thought it was great especially when the black currant squash they were using as flood leaked everywhere!!
Caron provided us all with a laugh when she brought in a blanket for Billy to choose. Each child on the ward get to choose a blanket made by a charity to make something familiar and cosy when they come into hospital, they take it home and its theirs. When she brought Billy a few to choose from one had flowers on, his face was a picture he was so so cross! I'm a boy he said, boys don't have things with flowers on them! He was so so funny.
Billy was quite excited by the fact his food was brought into him, he could chose what he wanted and then it was there! He managed to eat quite well. I on the other hand seemed to survive on toast and tea, i didn't want to go downstairs as it meant leaving Billy which I didn't want to do, even when others were there I was still worried 'just incase'.
The weather had started to warm up and it was warm on the ward as it was right at the top of the hospital, we could see all the lovely sun out of our window. I also didn't have many clothes so I had to beg friends and family to bring me in a few cooler bits to get me through. Toiletries I needed too and luckily a very good friend brought me a lovely set in.
Day time and early evening was full of friends, my wonderful, amazing friends who thought nothing of driving 40 miles, paying a fortune to park, just to be there for us. How lucky am I, by the end of the 3rd day we had over 15 visitors. But when they went home was when I started to think, as soon as Billy was asleep and I was on my own the tears came. I read some of the books and leaflets I had been given and to be honest they made things worst, seeing everything in black and white was awful.
That was what was wrong with Billy, he had this horrible scary disease. The facts showed me what we had coming, what the chemo could do, how ill he probably would get. My baby was so well, had I made the right decision. Id the chemo was going to make him so ill how could i sit and watch? I knew there was no other option but this didn't stop me wishing there was something i could do that would make him get better without the nasty bits.
I saw the children without hair and it made me cry. The poor innocent little babies, why was this happening to them? I couldn't imagine Billy being too tired and ill to do things, would his friends still want to play with him if he couldn't do things???
Thoughts, sometimes they do you no good.....
you can see the blanket he chose!
No comments:
Post a Comment